Tuesday, August 12, 2014
My heart is in a million pieces.
I grew with Robin Williams, since he was a lovable alien from Ork on Happy Days, and then in his own TV show, Mork and Mindy. I've always appreciated his humor and have always seen him as a gentle person.
When I found out that he had died of a possible suicide, it hit me harder than it would have any other way.
Depression is something that I suffer with on a daily basis. For some of you, it might be something you understand. Some of you might not understand. I have heard that if you are depressed, all you have to do is think positively. I have heard that, if you commit suicide because of depression, you just weren't thinking of your friends and family who love you.
None of that is true.
Many years ago, I tried to commit suicide. I was thinking of my family and my friends when I did so. I thought that they would be better off without me. That I had somehow done wrong to them by my very existence. I tried to think positively, but I couldn't drum up enough energy.
It makes me sad to think that Robin Williams, a man that I often looked up to was struggling like that. I feel desperate for his family and wish that he had never chosen this path.
I wish I hadn't either.
If you are thinking about doing something like this, talk to someone. Anyone. Don't close yourself into your room and withdraw from the world.
Drop me a note. Call someone. Tell someone what you're feeling.
Don't feel weak. Empower yourself by talking about it.
My heart is broken because I grew up with this man. He never knew me. I can't even imagine what it is like for the people whose lives were touched by this extraordinary man. Hopelessness is the worst feeling in the world.
It's a shame. An absolute shame.