Friday, November 22, 2013

Roleplaying Life

Man wouldn’t life be cooler if it was just a giant Dungeons and Dragons game…yes, I used to play. No, I don’t regret it. No, you may not make fun of me…and that means you *points finger into the darkness* You heard me!

It would go something like this:

LifeMaster (after all, it’s life and not a dungeon…supposedly): You are awakened from your unnatural sleep by two hellhounds!

Me: Is it four in the morning? 

LM: No, it’s 3:50am.

Me: Those aren’t hellhounds, though they like to breathe on me like they are. Frickin’ dogs! I pull my +3 leash of obedience from my pack.

LM: You lost that when you’re buddy borrowed it…remember the concubines? 

Me: Oops! *turns red* I remember…I still have my unending bag of treats…

LM: Nope, your wife gave them the last one.

Me: I give up!

Later in the day…

LM: You are trapped in the cubicle of despair, and you can hear the troll director just outside…

Me: I’m going to stay chained in my cubicle. Are the chains solid, holding me in my cube?

LM: *Rolls dice* As you pull on it to check, it snaps and the end flies out of the cubicle, just missing the troll, but hits your manager instead. And of course, the troll is your manager’s boss…

Me: Great…

LM: They fire you from the job, and put a Cardboard Box of Emptiness on your desk…

Me: They can’t fire me! I’m wearing my Button-Down Dress Shirt of Impeccable Work Ethic

LM: Their immune to work ethic *shakes his head in disappointment* They’re managers.

Me: I give up!

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